The Handy Heero Dictionary on tape!
by Shinigami no Kamikaze
Summary: Ever wonder what 'Hn.' really means... and what's the difference between a plain 'Hn.' and 'HN.'? What about the rare occations Heero says something else? Duo answers all, in what could very well be another horrible attempt at humor by SnK. shounen ai


SnK:Back by popular demand!  
Kilik: Shinigami no Kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing... no matter how hard she tried, she could not get the rights for a buck and a half, plus some rice candy.  
Chibi Hwoarang:.. gee.... I wonder why...  
Kilik:A friendly reminder, this fic contains cussing and shounen ai.  
SnK:*pulls out tape*  
Chibi Hwoarang:What're ya going to do with that...?  
SnK:I'm going to play it, since it's hard to write down the different ways to say 'Hn.' ... so me and Duo recorded it! *pops it into stereo* Still unedited, though....  
Chibi Hwoarang: But this is a .html file, how the hel--  
SnK:Shhh! It's starting!  
  
*begin tape*  
  
SnK:The handy Heero dictionary on tape! Heero's vocabulary in translated into English! Tape one, common phrases and the basic 'Hn.' interpretations!  
  
Kilik:Compiled by Duo Maxwell with help from Shinigami no Kamikaze.  
  
First, a foreword by Shinigami himself!  
  
Duo: Hey everyone!   
  
SnK:*hushed whisper* it's a sound only recording.. they can't see it if you wave...  
  
Duo:Oh! Well, for those of you listening to this tape, you probably know that my koi Heero isn't really all that talkative, although he does make a few different unintelligible little noises best described as 'Hn.'s  
  
After spending hour after hour, day after day, week after week, and month after month of trying to get Heero to open up a little, admit he loves and worships me, and the time we've spent together since then, I think I've pretty much turned understanding Heero's few choice words into an artform. Now I'm going to share my experience with you!  
  
First, let's start with the foundation of Heero's vocabulary: Hn.  
  
Only it's a loooot more complex than just that! I've identified almost 50 different ways he says this, all meaning different stuff. But I'll go over the easiest ones..  
  
Hn. - Basic, huh? This means, "I don't give a rat's ass." ... more or less...   
  
....hnnn... - I'm sleepy.  
  
HN - I have to go to the bathroom... 'Kaze-chan, why are you looking at me like that? It does! Heero never admits he has to do things that all normal people do. He doesn't say "I have to piss". He says "HN" and then disappears... I dare you to disprove me! Watch where he heads for!  
  
SnK:*whispers* Tape, Duo.. don't talk to me  
  
Kilik:*whiney voice* 'Kaze-chaaaaan. I'm hungry, I want someting to eat!  
  
Duo:*voice perks* Get me some, too!  
  
SnK:Damn it, you people! How many time must I say this is a -tape-?.... now I'm going to have to edit all this out..... that's just great.. Fine, I'll go and get pizza or something... Kilik-kun, let's go...  
  
Duo:Yay!  
  
SnK:Duo, the tape, please..  
  
Duo:... oh *clears throat* Anyway....  
  
Hhhhn- (notice this is somewhat similar to ...hnnn...) This is boring... very boring.... must... not... fall ...asleep... I have more control over myself than that... but... soo.. borrr---zzzz.....  
  
Hnn - Shut up.. I have a mission I'm concentrating on (Go my Zerglings! Crush the terran dogs.. We Zerg shall conquer the universe!(1))... if you don't shut up I'll kill you (or, if I know you) or launch various non-vital objects within my reach at your head.  
  
Hñ - I'm interested; that is interesting  
  
HÑ - Opps, I just fucked up (but I am Heero Yuy, and I never fuck up, so I must have intended to do this on purpose, so if you ask me if anything is wrong, silence will be your answer, since the answer should be so obvious).   
  
I think Heero uses HÑ instead of 'opps' or 'oh, fuck' because, like I said, Hñ means 'interesting'. Since Heero tries to appear like he does not do anything wrong, he pretends like he did whatever it was he screwed up on purpose , and just discovered some very fascinating results (be that these fascinating results are his gundam falling over and sliding down a hill taking with it a large section of forest is besides the point...).  
  
Hnrrrrr.... no, seriously. He makes that noise. It starts out like a 'Hn' then ends in a growl. This means he's pissed off.  
  
Hnrrrrrr (extended growl) - means he's had enough of you, and you do one more thing to piss him off he's going to kill you.  
  
HnRRRRR- If you ever hear this, this shall be the last sound you shall ever hear. That's it, you're dead, no questions asked... you'll be lucky if your family finds your spleen in which to bury.  
  
hN- Yes  
  
hNNN- No   
  
It takes practice to figure out which is which. Heero isn't a very understanding person, though, so if you screw up badly because you misinterpreted these you can expect both your arms to be broken when you wake up in the morning. It's best and safest to just find me and ask me.  
  
And that's it for the top 11 most basic, commonly heard, or need-to-know Hn's. Now let's get to the phase Heero has made is own,  
  
Omeo o korosu  
  
Yes, we allll know its English approximation of "I'll kill you" "I'm going to kill you" or whatever. But he only means that half the time. I mean, why else have people heard that phrase and lived? It's because the other half of the time when he says it, what he REALLY means i---  
  
Heero:*sounding a little angry* Duo, what are you doing?  
  
Duo:Uhhhh.... Hi Heero! I didn't see you there! How's it been..? Already finish... whatever it was Quatre wanted you to do?  
  
Heero:He was trying to distract me, and now I know why... hnrrrrr....  
  
Duo:Hee-chan, calm down, it's just a---  
  
*loud chrash is heard, then a cat yowling, and a loud thud. Duo calls out "Heero, what are you planning to do with that?!" from far away, but then yipes and there is another crash. There is some noise as the recorder is picked up, and Heero is heard saying, "Omeo o korosu means Omeo o korosu!!! " Then there is the sound of someone in boots running like hell along with "Duo, get back here!" fading off in the background. After awhile of running, there is some shuffling and panting, the sound of a door clicking shut, more ruffling, another door, more shuffling, then the sound of breathing.*  
  
Duo:*whispering* Think I lost him... lets just skip the whole omeo o korosu thing, kay?  
  
Now, on with the phrases!  
  
You look hungry = I am hungry, but I'm not willing to admit it, so I'm taking you to a place to eat whether you like it or not!  
  
Are you listening? = There will be a quiz. Fail and die.  
  
You should always follow your emotions = Sounds funny coming from me, but the truth of the matter is I don't have an idea what you're talking about or what you should do... but this advice seems to work well in all situations, so I'll just say it.  
  
.... as you can see... err... hear, there aren't too many phrases. But there's other stuff I can go over!  
  
+In the car  
  
Shut up = ... if you open your mouth one more time, I'm dying the upholstery with your blood.  
  
Pull over = I must do one of the following: eat, use the restroom, assassinate someone. But heaven forbid I actually tell you why I'm ordering you to pull over the car... Heero Yuy is above explaining things.  
  
Pull over before I am forced to take control of the vehicle = Disobeying me is not a wise thing. If you want me to teach you why, continue to drive this car despite my rude requests for you to stop.  
  
Pull over NOW! = If you don't pull over now, you're going to be knocked unconscious and I'm going to kick you out of the car... I don't care that we're going 75mph. You are endangering my mission to get to the bathroom in time! (because, if he was asking you to pull over so he could eat, he would have just forgotten about it... if he was asking you to pull over so he could kill someone, he would have just opened the car door and jumped out... if he tells you this, you can be sure of what Heero is intending to do)  
  
Drive. more. carefully. = Basically, if you hit a pothole or the road gets too bumpy, Heero's going to maim you. Why? You can bet it's because he's working on that damn laptop of his!  
  
+In response to the question "Could you take the trash out?"  
  
Mission Accepted = I don't care if the nearest trashcan is millions of miles away, if it is located in the center of a minefield, or in a fireant hill. I will dispose of this trash even if it kills me.   
  
... = Laptop ..... glorious, breathtaking, almighty laptop... Hey, what's this? An umbilical cord? How come I never noticed this before? It doesn't matter.. nothing but the laptop matters.... Ah, laptop... I hear nothing but the gentle whirling of your hard drive...(2)  
  
  
Hmph = I am the Perfect Soldier... why would I waste my time taking out the trash?!  
  
+In response to the question, "How do you feel?"  
  
... = I am fine, why would you think otherwise?  
  
...nnn... = Laptop... glorious, breahtaking--- oh, ya know what I mean.(2)  
  
Okay = My arm's been blown off, but it's only a flesh wound.  
  
Fine = Heero Yuy doesn't get sick, so ignore all the coughing and sniffling that is coming from my direction which is keeping you awake at this ungodly hour... it is just your mind playing tricks on you.  
  
*sound of door opening.. a few more moments, the sound of squeaky hinges*  
  
SnK:....Duo, why are you hiding under the sink and whispering?   
  
Duo:...uhh... well, it's like-- hey, is that Hawaiian pizza I sme---  
  
*end tape*  
(1) Zerglings are units in the game Starcraft... We all know that Heero's playing computer games on that laptop 95% of the time.  
(2) Quatre's note: These laptop responses are the same ones you'll get if he's occupied watching Duo. Duo just doesn't know... oh, Trowa, isn't it sweet?  
Trowa: ... . ..  
Quatre: I knew you'd agree!  
  
~~~end  
  
Hwoarang:What kind of ending is that?!  
SnK:The tape ended *shrugs* I didn't have another. Anything else Duo has to say just has to wait.. he shouldn't've wasted valuable tape...  
  
Anyway, what'd ya think, people? I'm sorry if it's not as good as the first (but Heero barely talks, so it's hard to figure out things for him to say!).... ya still want me to do the other pilots? Well, whatever you think, please tell me in a review! Or Heero will be angry.  
  
Heero:Hnrrrr...  



End file.
